It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
