So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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