omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
