Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
