Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
