You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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