i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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