Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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