He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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