Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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