i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
