You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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