I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
