dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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