When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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