i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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