But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
