a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
