There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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