So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
