Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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