im having a threesome with these popsicles
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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