you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
