hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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