He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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