this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
