He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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