Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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