People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
