i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
