when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This baby is an asshole
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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