hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
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We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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