we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
