i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
