I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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