There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
