I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
