Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
