"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
