I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
