Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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