it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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