He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
