so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
