But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
