Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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