we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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