I never want to see another naked old woman again.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
