Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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