Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
