dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
