Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
