I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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