wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
