proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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