is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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