I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
