Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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