when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
